Last week on The Cut: Miss Minnesota missed the mark and took her pageant walk down the runway... FOREVER! And absolutely nobody was surprised. At all.
First off, I would like to send a word of thanks to all of my wunderbar fan(s) that sent me fan-mail. Muchly appreciated, it is. Muchly. And yes, the poem was Jabberwocky. Also, I would like to mention that the show has been moved to Fridays at 9, and I'm fearing that this show may go the way of The Will. Let's all hope not - I need to snark more about Stiff Liz and Ghetto-Fabulous Princess some more.
The episode starts off with the usual 3 minutes of useless recappage and credits, followed by about two minutes of commercials. See, this is the problem with the show: right off the bad, you waste five minutes of your life. I mean, sure, I lurve the theme song (how could you not love the Rolling Stones) but come on now... I want some action scenes! Well... as many action scenes as a show about designers would allow. Maybe they should start blowing things up randomly during their challenges. You think the challenge is going to be hard? Wait until a train nearby explodes, sending pieces of metal flying everywhere and severly injuring one of your teammates! Then the heat is on, biznatches!
When the show finally starts, we get the usual So-Ho loft scenes and Rob and Chris get into a spat about who Chris wanted to see goodbye to. Princess consoles Rob, saying that you have no friends. Then, Chris gets into a fight about Liz when he says that she stole his idea for the globe and the flag. Yeesh, Chris. However, the house sides with Chris, and Princess talks about how nobody really likes Liz. Looks like Princess is no longer the weak link in the game! Huzzah!
The teams arrive at an odd clothing manufacturing place, which turns out to be Tommy's distribution place. Tommy tells us his story yet again, and talks even MORE about his success. We know you're rich, Tommy! Stop making us listen to it! He finally gets to the design assignment: both teams will be selling stuff out of a truck. Fun stuff. Rob and Felix are the two picking teams, and Felix goes with Liz right off of the bat. Whaaaa? Rob's first person is Princess. The rest of the teams go as follows: Felix gets Wes, Liz, and Shauna, and Rob gets Princess, Chris, and Deanna by default. Once they finish listening to Tommy, they frantically grab clothing and get to work. Wes comes up with an idea, but Liz shoots it down quickly, and the team gets fed up with her just as quick. Shauna talks to Chris downstairs, and Chris starts making fun of Liz. It's really funny, actually, but Liz hears and starts going on the warpath. Somehow, Princess starts talking about her, and Liz and Princess go at each others throats like Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie. Rawr.
After a random commercial break at the height of Eliza-gate, we finally get back and Princess is suddenly on a one-way path to Liz's destruction. Liz asks everyone what they think of her, and everyone except Rob tells her that she's difficult. Finally, Felix, aka Liz's knight in shining armor, comes down and whisks her away to the elavator.
Later that evening, team Felix has already come up with an idea for how to get stuff to move stuff faster - stamps. Yes, they are stamping their clothing with the greatest of ease. Team Rob, on the other hand, is having a harder time pumping stuff out. The next morning, the situation flips around: Team Rob is opening and happy, whilst team Felix has... lost their keys. The shock! The horror! Eeeek! The end result is that Team Rob is moving merchandise - and quick - while Felix and Liz are trying to make the truck renters give them the key. The truck renters turn out to be pains in the butt, and they tell Liz that they don't remember Felix's call and that Felix called the wrong place. Liz goes back to the taxi to tell Felix that the people need the liscense plate, and he begins the third tantrum of the episode! Basically, he's angry with the people because they should have remembered his call. However, at some point, his anger disentigrates to a point where his main points are "I'm gone" and "I'm a grown-ass man". Ah, how quickly the sharp-minded fall when sleepy and angered about losing their keys. It is around this time that we get some shots of the keys, idly sitting in the snow near the SoHo loft.
Back at the SoHo loft, Shauna and Wes laugh about their misfortune. Liz and Felix return, and, later, Liz and Wes go back to retrieve the key. Enter yet another scene of the key laying in the snow. We get it, CBS - they're STUPID. Let it go already. Meanwhile, the other team finished up their sales for the day. The next day, team Felix finally gets to work, and Wes comes up with the idea - sell everything for 5 dollars. Hmm... muy interesante. Team Rob, on the other hand, is feeling a little bit lazy. They decide to take a little break and they don't actually leave until around nine. When they go to Chelsea, there is no one in the streets. Not a single person. Seriously, there are less adults on the streets than there are at Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch. (Michael Jackson jokes never get old, do they?). They eventually decide to move to the Lower East Side, which is actually just as bare as the other place. Too bad for them. Back at team Felix, stuff is moving like hot-cakes, and they actually start to run out of merchendise. Wes and Shauna decide to go back to the loft in order to get more clothing.
Soon, the celebrity guest of the week ™ Russell Simmons and Tommy come to visit both places. First, they visit Rob's shop. Russell actually buys something, which is always a good sign. Tommy also appears to be impressed. When they visit Team Felix, they are very, very disturbed by the price, although they love the items. After a commercial break, the teams make a frantic push to get the items out in the last ten minutes. Finally, the challenge is over, and everyone is happy with the sales that they've made.
The contestants arrive at the style forum, and Tommy starts off by bringing Russell Simmons out to give his opinion. Tommy gives Russell Simmons an "oh my god he's amazing" introduction, and Russell finally starts talking, and Russell mentions that he loves team Rob and is surprised with how low team Felix priced their items. Tommy announces that team Felix won, and everyone is shocked. Now, Tommy has to talk to team Rob. He starts off by bringing Princess and Deanna into the pit for pricing the items. Then, he brings Rob into the pit for choosing a horrible place, and then he brings Chris into the pit because, well... because he can. After bickering, Princess pleading with Tommy not to take her to the pit, and a gigantic fight between Princess/Deanna and Rob, Rob is sent strolling down the runway for his location. Goodbye, Invisible Man. We hardly knew ye and your oddly shaped, three-forked beard.
And thus, another episode ends - but not before Tommy tells us that the "game is going to change", followed by about 10 shots of the remaining seven contestants acting surprised. Wha? Huh? Talk about SUSPENSE!
Next week: Wes makes a shot that is "absolutely... gay". Hey, those are Felix's words, not mine.
Have your truck keys gone missing? Are you a grown-ass man? If so, please e-mail at boredsim133@yahoo.com . Trust me, you won't be gone.