Welcome to the third episode of The Cut! Last week, Vlada went home, and attention whore’s everywhere cried for hours and then threatened to cause themselves bodily harm if they didn’t get on TV. Only 13 contestants are left. Who will be out of style next? Will Jacko have a more normal hairstyle? Will Ears finally stop being a self absorbed moron? We must wait and see...
After the credits roll and we have our first commercial break, we see a few random shots of NY and the contestants getting back to their SoHo loft. Wes says that he’s annoyed by Princess, who he says is “a lot of talk”. Well, we knew that, Wes. But that’s why we love her. I mean, who else would talk about their coco’s like that? Later that night, Wes has a “therapy session” with Deanna, who he says he gets along with. Hmm... is there any foreshadowing here? Who knows.
The next morning, Tommy gives another one of those useless lesson speeches that will probably somehow pertain to the challenge, and gives them the challenge: this week, they must recreate the Cotton Club or Studio 54. Felix and James are the team-pickers for the week. James wins the coin toss, and decides on Studio 54. Since James’ team won last week, he gets to choose the first person, and goes with Jacko. Jacko says that they already know that he’s indisposable, and that he’s oozing talent and style. He’s definitely oozing something, but I don’t know what it could be. Hmm... I’ve got to think about this one...
The rest of the teams go like this: James’ team is Tommy, Rob, Chris C, Julie, Chris., and Jessica. Chris notes that he has been picked near the end in every single challenge, and he thinks that it’s because he’s been quiet. I’m immediately worried for his future on the show. I mean, this is Chris we’re talking about. He hasn’t actually had any air-time aside from a shot or two where he’s hiding in the background, and that’s because there was no way to focus on Chris C./Felix without him being there. And when he did accidentally get a shot, I’m sure that the producers cried some. Over on Felix’s team, we have Shauna, Wes, Elizabeth, Deanna, Princess, and Ears. In the confessional, Ears says that he’s never been picked last – he’s either picked first, second, or... first. Since he’s never been picked first, second, or first on this show, I’m guessing that the statement was a cry of help from his dying ego, slowly being battered who actually do work instead of wallowing in their own not-really-all-that-amazingness. Shauna says that she likes her team, with the exception of... Liz. Apparently, to Shauna, Liz is like a Gwen Stefani song: overrated, overplayed, and full of bananas.
This week, Tommy introduces yet another special challenge: this time, two contestants from each team will go to the Hamptons for a wild, crazy par-tay. Rob, Jessica, Ears, and Princess are the lucky ones leaving the challenge. Rob says that he decided to give the trip to Jessica because she would contribute the least on the team, and Princess says that she wants the trip in order to redeem herself. The four people going on the trip leave on the spot, and team 54... okay, Julie... was unsure about who their new leader would be. James says that he feels guilty for leaving, but he’s still going anyways, so he couldn’t feel that bad.
The teams go to their respective clubs, and almost automatically they realize that their places are bare. On team 54, Chris automatically takes a leadership position, planning how they will do a VIP room. Chris, c’mon! Why are you talking! You’re going to get yourself axed if you keep up like this! You’ve been a non-entity for the last two episode! Why start talking now? Whyyy???
Over on Cotton Club, there is almost automatically a conflict between Felix and Liz versus Shauna and Deanna. Apparently, the entire argument is about whether or not the place should be in the shape of a horseshoe. Felix is convinced that Shauna and Deanna have an alliance of sorts from working together on the first challenge, and a little bit later Liz stomps away for no apparent reason. I’m thinking about renaming this team “Drama Queens Unite!” but, sadly, I cannot because Jacko is not on the team. *Sniff*
After the commercial break, Cotton Club goes to get props. However, that is not the main focus of the scene: instead, it’s about how much Shauna hates Elizabeth. Yes, we already knew that they had hateration for each other, but they told us again just in case, you know, we didn’t know it already. Team 54 also goes to get props, with sunshine yellow Jacko leading the way. And, he’s rather afraid that he’s not going to be able to get across what The Studio was like back during its heyday. Chris, yet again, opens up his big mouth and comes up with the idea to recreate the day of the owner of Studio 54’s birthday. Chris, we know that you took a class on Studio 54, but please, SHUT UP. It’s not normal for someone who is usually so invisible to suddenly start talking. You’re falling right into Foreshadowing’s hands! Don’t let him win! Don’t let him!
In the Hampton’s, the socializers arrive and meet Alex Garfield, who is a professional designer. He asks them all not to call him Mr. Garfield or Sir, because then he’ll ask them to serve him. Okay... that’s... special.
Back on 54, even Julie, who is usually Miss “Meh, we’re screwed, whatever”, mentioned that Chris knew a lot about Studio 54. *Sigh* I’m afraid that Chris is too far gone. Bye, Chris. Foreshadowing has taken you far before your time. We hardly knew ye, except for the last 20 minutes and the other 40 that you’ll be on this show because you insisted on talking. However, before Chris’ demise, we must actually finish the challenge. Thus, Julie and Jacko go out for costumes. This trip mostly consists of Julie looking around with the usual “what is going on, why does my team suck so bad, we’re never going to pull this off” look, and Jacko talking about how scrumptious the ladies’ clothing is. Hmm... there’s something about that Jacko that I just can’t place... I feel like the boas that he enjoys wearing and the way that he looks at women’s clothing and speaks in French should tell me something about him, but I just can’t figure it out. Hmmm....
Later, Julie and Jacko go to the wig shop to buy some totally groovy wigs. Most of the wigs that they look at are called “Drag Queen” or “Transvestite”, and Julie’s starting to get a little bit uncomfortable. Apparently, being the Resident Mommy from some Midwestern state that nobody really cares about means that you don’t meet that many gay people. I gasp in awe and disbelief. Jacko says that she’s from St. Louis, which he is convinced is like Mars. Julie says that she isn’t the one that looks like they’re from Mars. At this moment in time, I look at everyone else in the room and wonder who it could possibly be. It couldn’t be Jacko. No way. I mean, doesn’t everyone where entirely lime green outfits all the time? That’s just so... normal. And not like Mars at all. Must be the wig guy. Afterwards, Jacko almost huffs off and says that people may think that he’s a delicate diva, but they’re making a mistake. Delicate diva? I never would have thought that. I was thinking he was just your regular, every day diva. Now that Jacko has opened up the heckling gates, Julie takes every chance to get a little jab at him, trying to put a wig on him. Jacko is very annoyed by this, running away from the wig. However, the problem reaches its climax when Julie calls him a diva.
At this point, I’m expecting Jacko’s eyes to turn bright red with laser beams. After he kills the wig shop owner and tears a hole in the wall, he goes straight up to Julie, looks her in the eyes.... says “you bitch!” and slaps her.
Sadly, this did not happen. Instead, Jacko started running faster, saying that he would not allow the wig to be on his head. Julie finally reaches over and puts it on his head, to which he screams “get it off!”. After a little bit, he says to Julie that although she’s trying to set him on fire, she’s the one that’s going to get burned.
Yes, because wigs set Jacko on fire. It’s just so obvious! I mean, I know that if my name was Jacko, a wig would light me up. Lime green/yellow outfits, on the other hand... nope, they definitely don’t sent anything on fire. Not even my retinas. Now, excuse me while I get my glasses. In a confessional, Jacko says that Julie’s talent is beyond mediocre. Duh, Jacko, but yours is too.
A little bit later, the Julie-Jacko saga CONTINUES (gosh, I’m getting tired of them) in the car, driving somewhere or another. For some reason or another, Julie says what I think could quite possibly be the quote of the entire show: “Is everyone in this whole town gay?”
Excuse me while I laugh/think about how entirely wrong that statement was. To make matters worse, Jacko has this hilarious “oh my gosh, she’s a freakin’ psycho from Mars” look on his face. Until, he says “Honey, the whole world is gay.” I’m half expecting him to snap his fingers in a Z formation. Julie asks why he can’t talk to the gay people, and Jacko responds with something to the effect of “sugah, I think you need to learn how to talk to gay people yourself”. Julie reassures him that she’s known black people, and says that Jacko’s the first gay guy that she’s spent a bunch of time with. Woah, wait... Jacko’s gay?
My world has been shaken. I never saw THAT one coming.
I am unable to take any more of the Jacko-Julie-“I don’t know a gay person” story line, and luckily for me, we go to a commercial. Finally. When we get back, we see the four people in the Hamptons chatting it up at Alex’s party in the Hamptons. Tommy arrives and asks Alex what he thinks of the four contestants that are at the party. Alex says that Jeff should go home to his family because he’s too insecure (and here I was, thinking that he had ego coming out of his wazoo), Jessica isn’t for real, Princess is too gritty and too raw, but James is just right. Afterwards, Jeff starts at Hilfiger, talking about how many ways he’s written down Hilfiger’s name on a sheet of paper.. In the confessional, Alex says that Princess is a fireball. Well... duh. In the meanwhile, she’s saying some rap-like thing that involves a bunch of curse words. Afterwards, everyone is kind of silent, looking around. Jeff says that he hopes Princess went too far, but, from the sounds of it, nothing’s going to stop Jeff from getting the heave-ho if his team loses...
Back in NY, team Cotton Club gets to work... late. With four hours remaining, both teams are finishing their projects, and the Hamptons’ people return from their glorious (well... not so glorious for everyone but James) visit with Alex, and both teams open shop. Tommy first pulls up to Studio 54 and the first thing that I notice are the horrible fro wigs. In the end, it’s a little bit cheesy, and yet, not quite over-the-top enough. The next stop is the Cotton Club, and I’m amazed at how well they managed to do. It’s like a time-warp. If they don’t win, I will be shocked. Besides, Chris has to go home tonight because he suddenly decided to exist. But alas, we shall see...
Back at the SoHo loft, the contestants prep for the Style Forum and tensions are high and blah, blah blah. Once in the Style Forum, Tommy talks about the Hamptons visit. Tommy congratulates James with being a gentlemen and Jessica with being a real lady. Princess and Jeff... not so lucky. Jeff talked too much about himself, and Princess talked too much about sex. Thus, no fuzzies for them. On Cotton Club, Elizabeth says that she helped with research and props, and rates Wes’ performance as a low 4-5. Wes, surprised, says that if Tommy asked some of his other teammates he would get a number. Thus, he asks DeannanShauna, who get one name because, much like Samneric in Lord Of The Flies, they are attached at the hip, and they give Wes an 8-9 and Wes and DeannanShauna all say that Elizabeth did the least. Felix says that Deanna did the least because costuming is easy, a statement that doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.
Over on Studio 54, Chris automatically opens his big fat mouth and takes responsibility for planning almost all of the designs and concepts of their space because he took that stupid class on Studio 54. Chris, shut up! Don’t tell him all of that! You’re supposed to nod your head in agreement and hide behind Julie! Aaack! Julie comes out and says that she wasn’t very comfortable talking to gay people, complete with a “hu-aaaah”. At the end, Julie says that she hangs out with moms and dads and their kids, to which Tommy says that he thinks that he’s heard everything. In the Cotton Club, Tommy said that they recreated it to a T, but at Studio 54 it was just subpar. Thus, Cotton Club wins, and Jeff and Princess escape yet again. Wow.
Now, the Studio 54 team has to talk. Except, this time, there’s not really that much talking. Julie and Chris step into the pit, and Tommy chews Julie out about respecting all kinds of people, to which Julie goes all pageant on us and says that she “respects every single human life”. Chris says that his name is on a lot of what happened during the team, but that’s exactly the problem, according to Tommy. Tommy declares that Chris is out of style and tells him to take the Runway.
SEE? I TOLD YOU!!!! Stupid Chris... At the end, Tommy tells them that he won’t tolerate their behavior, gives them the 4th grade teacher eye of doom, and exists.
And there’s the third episode of The Cut! Next week (ok, tomorrow): Next week: Princess tries to redeem herself AGAIN, Jacko freaks out AGAIN, and Liz has conflict with someone AGAIN. Yeesh, this is starting to get into a pattern...
Have you written my name many different ways on a sheet of paper? If you have, please e-mail me at boredsim133@yahoo.com . I’d appreciate it very much.