Welcome to the premiere episode of The Cut! Yes, it’s a premiere. I’m doing a premiere episode. The first ever. El primero episodio. Le first episode, oui? It’s just... so touching that I get to do that. There are a lot of people that I have to thank for getting here to the premiere episode of the Cut. I’d like to thank my barber, for always cutting my hair so I look stylish and trendy, the mall for having clothes that I catch a glimpse of before I hurry by the stores advertising them, fearing for my life that the pre-teen customers that they hold inside of them will suddenly be unleashed upon the world, and all of the ladies that have asked me “do I look fat in this?” You’ve really helped me understand style. I am a fashion king because of you. I give you kisses and expensive wine from the fake island of Pepita. That I am in control of. Because I am a KING. May your days be long and filled with... expensive... doohickeys.

However, this show isn’t about me. It’s about Tommy Hilfiger’s search for the perfect designer. Or, rather, it’s about TOMMY HILFIGER and some other lonely, small, pathetic people that he invited to be on his amazing television show. The show starts off with about five minutes of... the life story of Tommy Hilfiger. He talks about how he started off at 18 selling jeans in a basement and how he’s now a multimillionaire. I don’t like going over the whole thing, so here’s the gist: blah blah blah rags to riches, blah blah blah I’m amazing, blah blah blah big break, blah blah blah worship me or I’ll eat your children for lunch, blah blah blah I’m rich and famous and everyone loves me and my fabulous clothes. But the clothes aren’t as fabulous as me. The end. Anyways, he finally gets to introducing the premise of the show – 16 would-be designers all get the chance of a life time to create their own clothing line. Tommy wants someone that he can trust, and he’s very picky. Oh, so very picky...

The first time that we see all of the contestants together, they are lined up in two rows to meet... Tommy. Because this show revolves all around Tommy. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. Anyways, Tommy stares at them for an awkward amount of time, and starts commenting about their looks. He seems to be annoyed with some of their looks. The only one that I feel is entirely unnecessary is the all-bright blue ensemble with pink collars that our resident Michael Jackson, Tommy, is wearing. To cause as little confusion as possible, I will call him Jacko throughout his time on the series (no way he can win. No way. My eyes will explode and I will softly whisper “why... why... why...” for the rest of my life). However, it doesn’t really matter what I think, because it’s all about TOM-MAY! He thinks that Julie, the woman wearing that gigantic pink... thing, has the best style out of the group. We learn that Julie is our resident mommy and a handbag designer. Rob’s look is also well liked. We get a clip of him with his children and him telling us that he’s a painter, but I’m too distracted by his three-prong beard. Anyways, they are the two people that will be picking the teams.

Julie gets the honor of picking first, and she goes with Elizabeth. She comes off as a rather bitchy opinionated person with business smarts. A very good combo, if you ask me, but I’m not quite sold on her fashion skills yet. Rob gets the next pick, and goes with Chris C., who tells us that fashion saved him from the ghetto. Julie’s second pick is Princess. What kind of a name is that? Princess tells us that she is a vixen/diva/bitch. In other words, she wants to be... Naomi Campbell! Let’s see if she throws any cell phones during the competition. Rob’s second choice is Amy. She’s a professional shopper, which I think means that she shops for other people. But I’m not sure. Anyways, she says that she knows her clothes.

Julie’s next pick is Jeff. Jeff is quite possibly the first contestant that I don’t like. At all. He’s a (stuck up) salesman, who starts off by saying that God created him on Saturday and on Sunday he rested and though “wow, I did a good job”. He later says that he likes to be humble, but he has the potential to blow the mind. Yes, Jeff. You’re humble. So humble that I want to take a bat to your oversized ears and tell you how egotistical you are. Moving on...

Rob’s next pick is James. James is an apparel manufacturer who “does his own thing”. Tommy aka Jacko is Julie’s next pick. He says he’s got more experience than all of the other contestants, which will help him win the competition. He’s also got more blue that the other contestants. And no, that’s NOT a good thing. Rob’s fourth round pick is Wes. He describes himself as “the All American boy... with a twist”. This begs the question: what exactly is this twist? Is the twist lime? Are we going to see commercials with people mouthing “Put the lime in the Wes, you nut”? Or is this a much, much different twist that will become evident in a later episode? Hmm... surely this couldn’t be foreshadowing. At all. Julie’s fifth pick is Chris. He’s a “southern boy” who owns a restaurant. And he’s just oozing personality. Except not. Rob’s next pick is Jessica, otherwise known as “Miss Minnesota” or “that pageant lady”. She says that she’s a normal person, but c’mon – she’s was in a Miss America pageant. Don’t you have to be brainwashed to be on that? Or something like that? Julie’s next pick is Vlada. I will only describe say this much about her: she is such an attention ho, ho, ho that it must be Christmas.

I will take some time to laugh at my not-at-all funny joke. *giggles* Ok, now then...

Rob’s next pick is Shauna. She says that people describe her as “evil”, among other things, but she just doesn’t like the minivan-driving mom. Um... Shauna, honey – it’s not a good thing to be described as evil. You might not want to tell us that.

Anyways, we’re down to our final two contestants to be picked – Felix and Deanna. The all-important Tommy asks Julie why she hasn’t picked either person, and she responds that they’ve got too much originality. Isn’t originality a good thing? Or am I just crazy or something... anyways, Julie decides to pick Felix, the skateboarder to go with her team, leaving Deanna, the lady with the two-toned hair, to go Rob’s team. Tommy tells them that they’ve got a journey ahead of them, and to meet him in an hour. He emphasizes to meet him in an hour about three times before leaving. They get it, Tommy. You want them to meet you in an hour. You don’t have to sound like an overbearing father with an odd haircut that’s freaking out about his precious children being 2 seconds late after curfew...

We finally get to what is probably the best part of every show – the credits. The credits are... well... almost the same as the ones for the Apprentice. Except the title of the show is different, and they don’t have that cool Money song.

After the commercial break, the two teams meet at the corner of 50th and Broadway, and Tommy welcomes them to Time Square, “where the ball drops”. Umm...Tommy... call me crazy, but I think they know that already. Tommy starts to introduce the challenge telling us about one of his first billboards, in which he implied that he was one of the top designers before he actually... was one of the top designers. Apparently, our little Tommy was an attention ho-ho-ho since the beginning of his career. Then, he gives the two teams 48 hours and 3,000 dollars to make their own billboards. And they’d better be really awesome, because the losing team will have one member cut from their team. Oooh. Scarrry. Julie’s team gets the billboard on 50th street, while Rob’s group gets the one on Broadway. Team 50th , Julie’s team, only brainstorms for a minute, but quickly decides to go back up to the loft. On Team Broadway, Chris C steps up as a leader, noting his expertise with graphic design, and Deanna says that they will have the concept by the end of the night.

In the next few scenes, the contestants get their first look through their SoHo loft. Jacko says “what a dump” upon entering. I want to get some tape to cover his mouth. He’s just so... irritating. The girls all move into one room, while the guys are spread out amongst some of the other rooms. However, the girls run into one problem – there isn’t enough closet space for them all. (cue dramatic music and a few slow motion shots of people turning around and/or moving their eyes. Oh, wait... this isn’t the Apprentice, is it? Sorry. My bad.) This problem is not helped by the fact that Felix took their only rack... for himself. Just about all of the girls chew him out for about four minutes before rolling their eyes in a typical “Stupid male pig” fashion and strutting away. Felix says that the only friend he’s there to make is Tommy Hilfiger, but he needs to learn that it’s not smart to make 8 women angry, especially when it’s about closet space.

Later that night, both teams begin the brainstorming process. Team Broadway decides to go with an idea that “involves the concept of Rob’s shirt”. I’m sure that more was said about this concept, but I can’t hear anything over everyone yelling. However, things are much different on Team 50th. Over there, Felix, the skateboarder/rack stealer, has taken the lead. The group likes the idea of doing a skyline, proposed by Princess, and almost immediately Felix comes up with the idea of the slogan TOMMY NY, with the MY and NY a different color than the Tom. Jacko suggests that they change the colors in the Tommy Hilfiger flag to the tertiary colors, purple, orange, and green, because they clash and humans can’t take their eyes off of them. Felix doesn’t like the idea behind messing with the Hilfiger flag, but they go ahead and do it anyways.

In the start of Day 2, Team 50th buys their supplies and begins the process of making their billboard, do-it-yourself style. They seem to be making progress quickly, and team Broadway is nowhere in sight. Jacko notices this, and is worried that they’re going to bring something “solid gold” for their billboard... I’m worried by the fact that Jacko would use the term “solid gold” not referring to that television show in the 80’s. After an oddly timed commercial break, we finally check up on Team Broadway, who is getting their logo done with Print International. Which is only, you know, the best printing company. Ever. (this was an un-asked for endorsement for which I was not paid for. But, if someone would like to pay me... hint hint...) However, the cost for the Print International services is much too high for team Broadway at 1,000 dollars. However, Miss Minnesota Jessica manages to get the price down by asking the workers if they could get the price down any by putting up signs from the company. In the end, the team saves 502 dollars, and there is much rejoicing.

Back on the corner of 50th and Broadway, team 50th is working on their do-it-yourself paint job more, and it’s turning out OK (although, as Jacko says, Lady Liberty needs to lose a few pounds in order to get back to her usual self). Every thing is going fine, that is, until team Broadway shows up. Upon sight, they deem the 50th billboard as tacky (which, granted, it is, but at least it’s something) and hang up their banners. Jeff comes over to visit them, and completely annoys them all. Wes says that he doesn’t trust Jeff and that he doesn’t like them. Finally, I know I’m not alone in my Wes hate. I’m going to smile smugly for a while.

Deanna and Wes get hoisted up to begin painting, and we start to see what a hard working Deanna is. She’s painting her little bottom off up there. Back on the ground, Chris is calling the fabric designing team, which appears to have Amy, James, and another person that I never actually saw on it, telling them about how he’s worried that they won’t meet their deadline...

With 10 hours to go, Rob, Amy, James, and Shauna begin to paint the big canvas that will hang in the middle of their billboard. James mentions that Amy brings nothing to the team, and we see a few clips of her asking how to do the painting. It’s abstraction, Amy. Just plop some paint on the canvas and go. They finish relatively quickly and bring the canvas to the rest of the team, but they still worry that their canvas won’t stick up onto the billboard. However, James and Chris C. get it to stick, and everyone on Broadway is happy. Jeff is not impressed at all with the opposing team’s banner and thinks that the idea behind it is horribly simplistic. Yes, Jeff, because your team’s banner is just so original. Nobody has ever used the skyline before to advertise anything before now. EVER! Jeff says that his team has definitely won. Foreshadowing, please mean that Jeff will get a one way ticket home in about 30 minutes...

Back inside, Princess, Elizabeth and Julie realize that they’re running out of time and come up with a desperate measure – take off Lady Liberty. However, when they approach Jacko with the idea, he mentions that Felix is rather determined. When Felix gets down, the group has a pow-wow, and Felix refuses to take ol’ Libby off, saying that he’s going to work on his vision until the deadline. Upon hearing the word “his”, the girls in the group give the usual “oh no he di’int” look, and Julie asks if the group is a democracy or not. Felix still refuses to change the design. At this point, good ol’ self-absorbed Jeff decides to butt in and begins yelling about the project. Princess, obviously taken aback, tells him to back away from her and stop yelling. I wish that she told him to shut up, but I guess I can’t get everything I want *sigh*. He eventually eeks out that he also doesn’t want to change it, and him and Felix go back up to finish the paint job. Jeff mentions that he now knows who’s really on his team. Yes, Jeff, because wanting to make sure you meet a deadline means that you definitely aren’t worthy of being on a team. Especially a team with Jeff. Because Jeff has the potential to blow the mind, everyone! WEREN’T YOU LISTENING TO HIS INTRODUCTION, DAMMIT! HE’S NOT HERE TO PLAY WITH YOU MERE MORTALS!

Sorry, he gets me a little bit... aggravated sometimes. Moving on...

The next morning, 50th STILL isn’t finished. Morons. Broadway, on the other hand, has finished their project, and I like it, aside from the lack of... well... a visible logo. And all of the white space looks a little weird. But other than that, it looks rather good. However, right after finishing her paint job, Deanna goes on a major temper tantrum because her absolutely wonderful jacket was ruined by the rain. Awww, poor little Deanna. Somebody needs to put that frown upside down.

Over about 100 feet away, Team 50th finishes with only a few minutes to spare. Well, well, well – aren’t they lucky... After they finish, Tommy comes and brings along his friend, George. Wow, even their names are the same as the people from the Apprentice. Who’s going to be on next episode, Tommy’s long-lost sister Carolyn? Anyways, they decide that they think that Broadway’s is better executed but 50th’s “My NY” is an amazing idea”. Tommy says he’ll make his decision in the...

STYLE FORUM!!!! *thunder* *lightning* *flying monkeys killing people in the streets*

After the challenge, the group goes back to the loft for some... relaxation. For Vlada, this relaxation is essentially whoring herself out to Jeff. Why, Vlada? Why? C’mon now, even Jacko would have been better than “my ego is as big as my ears are”. I’m whorribly (get it? Whorribly? Whore? Ok, no more bad puns, I promise) disappointed in you, Vlada. Horribly disappointed.

Finally, the contestants go to the Style Forum, where Tommy will cut one of them. Once the contestants are situated, Tommy joins them and begins his questioning. He begins by asking team Broadway what their concept was. James answers the question, saying that they wanted to take a risk by bringing back the lion crest. Tommy asks the same question to 50th, and Princess answers, saying that they liked the colors on her shirt and that they wanted to use something familiar to the public.

The next question Tommy asks the teams is what they think of the other teams’ billboards. Jacko notes that the logo on the Broadway sign is too small and hard to read. Deanna mentions that the 50th logo looks like a Public Service Announcement and that the skyline is completely unoriginal. Tommy asks team 50th why they changed the colors, and almost immediately Jacko tells him that his favorite colors are purple, orange, and green, the colors used for the logo. Tommy doesn’t care that they’re Jacko’s favorite colors, and Jacko replies that “they were his markers”. Ooooh, Tommy, you just got buurrrned. However, Tommy comes back quickly with a reply, saying that most big companies don’t change their logos and Jacko shouldn’t have messed with an international color scheme. Zing!
Tommy asks Princess why their billboard is so great, and she mentions the “My NY” idea. Tommy asks whose idea the slogan was, and she credits it to Liz and Felix. Liz? What exactly did Liz do? Tommy asks Felix how they came up with the idea, and Felix says that he came up with the idea and put it out on the table for the rest of the team. Elizabeth disagrees with that statement, saying that it started off as an original concept that evolved into the finished product. However, Tommy wants to know whose idea it was, and the group says that it is Felix’s. Score: Liz: 0, Everyone else: 1.

Now that Tommy has heard from both teams, it’s time for him to make his choice. Tommy says that he’s unimpressed with both groups, but you can’t read the name on Broadway’s slogan and the slogan for 50th was a keeper, so 50th wins! They laugh, cry, and hug each other, while the other team looks over at the other team with contempt. Those 50th team pigs.

After they stop rejoicing, Tommy tells Broadway that their project lacked focus. He also orders Chris C. to step into the pit. Tommy tells Chris that he messed up with the logo, but that he was a leader for the team and that counts for something. He asks Chris who did the least amount of work, and Chris says Jessica and Amy. They are both ordered to go into the pit, and Chris steps out. Suddenly, it becomes very much like... a firing squad. Amy says that her talents were not able to shine quite as well in this challenge, but they will in another challenge where she is able to take the leadership position. Jessica, on the other hand, says she kept everyone on task and she saved money with printer international. When Tommy asks the team who did the least, they are split evenly between Jessica and Amy. Tommy finally makes his decision, and... Amy is the first one cut. Apparently, Tommy thinks that it’s good that Jessica saved money. I’m half expecting him to finish his phrase with “by switching to Geico”, at which point we find out that it’s a long Geico commercial, but... alas, no luck there. Amy walks off and Tommy tells the teams that he expects better things in the future.

And the first episode of The Cut is over with! Finally! After an hour and a half of torture! Next week: The teams design tricked-out SUV’s for Fabulous, but who will have the best one?

One 15 minute e-mail to me could save you 50% or more on your car insurance. Ok, not really. But please, e-mail me at boredsim133@yahoo.com . Because I have no friends. Or life.

:lol: Great ending to a great recap! Look forward to your next recap!

:lol: Great recap for a great show Bored!

I hate to be combative, but I actually the big-eared salesman. :D

Excellent recap Bored!