Welcome aboard land-lubbers! I have happily elected to take on the maiden voyage of Mark Burnett’s latest reality adventure show. I have prepared my first voyage with the crew of the Pinkton Castle with some grog (aka Michelob Ultra) and a brand new shiny purple pen.

The show opens with the obligatory paddle up to the ship in the dark, heavily foggy night scene to get us feeling all pirate-y. Shots of the contestants looking all scared and expectant. They climb from the long boat on to the ship and game has officially begun.

Our host this season is Cameron Daddo. I’m on the fence with this guy, but I like his accent so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. He informs the contestants that this will be NO pleasure cruise. It’s a working vessel. If you don’t pull your weight, there will be consequences. He then divides the contestants to help haul up a treasure chest.

The first contestant we get to meet is Louie who does his best Rupert impression and goes nuts over the “treasure”. Cameron adopts his best story-telling voice and tells the tale of Captain Henry Steele. Apparently, in 1726 Captain Henry Steele looted over 100 ships. Everyone was after him. As a pirate he wasn’t afraid to die. He wasn’t going to let anyone take his treasure away from him. To ensure this, he divided it into 14 treasures and amongst his crew. The crew took the treasures, buried it and made two maps to each. How convenient for production that this pirate and his crew were nice enough to do it this way. It will make for a very interesting game indeed. :D

Now we meet Jay. Jay is in sales. Used auto parts sales. He says this will give him a leg up since he’s used to trying to relieve people of their money.
Cameron tells the crew to party on but to remember they will reach Dominique Island at dawn. He leaves them to get acquainted.

Next we meet Ben the Musician who just graduated and wasn’t good enough for Idol. I just made that up, but he reminds me so much of Anthony Federov.

Christian and Louie are talking and having a great time. Christian was a NFL running back who was referred to as the Nigerian Nightmare. I believe him because he’s huge! 6’3” tall and weighs 270 pounds (he told us). I have a feeling he may be one of my favorites of the season.

Meanwhile, the girls are getting to know each other and start grilling Cheryl about where she’s from. Cheryl shares name and location but keeps from them that she’s a deputy district attorney. She figures this gives her an edge in the game because she has an in with the criminal insight. Oookay.

John the Scientist/Exotic Dancer opens with a little whispering to the ladies about his horoscope. Something about being aware of red foxes (said to a redhead). The line is so cheesy the mice on the ship eyeball him hungrily. The girls ask him if that’s how he always talks (in a whisper) and he says it depends. (They are all cracking up at him). Joy/receptionist is not buying a second of it. She tells us she’s leery of him because of the way he talks and how he has to be “all up in your personal space” and he talks weird. :laugh I’m gonna like Joy.

John tells us he’s a geek. John and Jay talk and John tells him how the the freaks and weirdos are different from other people. Jay concurs that they are misfits.
Jay tells us in video diary that being the pirate master means you have to be ruthless and cruel. So if it means he has to slit the throats of the guys he align with, so be it. While he is saying this in voice[-over, he’s shaking John’s hand and just over John’s left shoulder making his debut on Pirate Master is Mr. Foreshadow. How he manages to get a gig on every ONE of my favorite reality shows is beyond me.

Day 1

Crew wakes up at 7:25 a.m. It looks like they are all jammed in like sardines in their bunks. It also appears to be a smelly environment. Just a hunch.

Louis tries to convince us that he’s all knowing about the sea because he works on the docks or something.

Sean’s father is a retired Capt. Of the Navy so this apparently qualifies Sean as a great contender for the show. I was married to a “squid” (that’s military speak for navy man/woman) and I tell you what I wasn’t allowed to spend that much time on the boat (the US Nimitz by the way) and I guaranty you my ex-husband doesn’t know a damn thing about sailing a pirate ship. But Sean grew up on the ocean and salt water is in his blood so I’m probably wrong. :rolleyes:

Joy starts to get sea-sick. First she tells us how she wants to throw up and then they show us how she did throw up. Why oh why is this necessary? Everyone on deck watched her. Jay is not liking that Joy doesn’t have to work because she’s seasick. Hmm, is that Mr. Foreshadowing I see lowering the anchor?

JD (firefighter) and Ben are off to the side talking. JD who is a fireman was in the navy and figures that the experience can help him. He doesn’t mind booting off people who have an attitude. Ben wants to keep their relationship a secret and fly under the radar.

Cameron calls the pirate-posers to the deck and tell them that now that the Treasure of Zanzibar has been discovered…it’s time to unlock it’s secrets. Fourteen compartments for 14 treasures. Two maps, two compasses, two crews.
Joy and JD go first. I would tell you who is on the red team and who is on the black team, but the editors don’t seem to think we need to know ALL of the contestants at this point, just a few key players. This is what I do know:

Joy is on the red team with Jay and Christian
JD is on the black team with Louie, John and Ben

DVM (deep voiceover man) who sounds just like DVM from Treasure Hunters :oooo explains that the first leg of the treasure hunt they have to paddle from the boat to the island where they will find a river they must paddle down. Paddle up river and make a left at the fork and find a dead man’s tree, then heading east on foot they will find 3 keys which will unlock and lower a caged skeleton which holds their next map.

The two teams take off and even though Joy’s team is faster out of the gate, they forget they have a rudder and they head off course. Jay said they lost about 300 to 400 yards on the black team. The black crew makes it to the fork first and the dead man’s skull. They tie up the boat to head due east and run into some really deep, yukky mud. Ben lost his shoe in the mud, but he’s not leaving his shoe behind. In the meantime, the red crew has made up some time. The black team is begging Ben to leave it behind and just forget about it, but he’s not giving up.
He finally gets it and the shoe is filled with mud. EWWW They get to the caged man first and figure out they have to find buried keys. Ben comes up with the keys first. Ben is having a hard time matching the keys to the keyhole. Louie is starting to panic because he sees the red team coming up on them. JD is now trying to get the lock open. John takes over and figures it out lickety-split and tells us how easy it was. They find a key and a map in the skull of the caged man it was also filled with maggots. I don’t think it was really necessary to add the maggots, but they came with the rotten meat that made the skeleton stink so bad.

DVM now tells us that the new map reveals they must continue down river. The first team out has an opportunity to sabotage the other team and slow them down (kind of like a yield on TAR). Then on to the crocodile’s lair. The sunken treasure is found attached to two crocs heads.

The black team reaches the sabotage point first and we get to meet somebody new, it’s Cheryl. She’s a member of the black crew and she’s going to explain the sabotage point to us again in case DVM wasn’t thorough enough about it and we can’t seem to understand the concept of “sabotage”. Ben jumps in and cuts the rope that lowers a chain, net that spans the river making it hard for anybody to follow behind them.

The black crew finds the crocodile lair and everybody starts to jump in the water. Everybody is swimming but Louie. Meanwhile the red team comes across the sabotage point. Jay explains to us that they’ve come to the sabotage point and how they are all hopeful because they can see the black crew ahead, but the sabotage point slows them down. Just so you’re clear on what a sabotage point is and Cheryl, DVM and Jay didn’t do a thorough enough job, I thought I’d make it even clearer and give you Webster’s version:

Are we all clear on this yet? :S
Black crew is starting to freak out because the red team is right on their tails. Ben is trying to figure out the clue as to where the treasure is. We pan in to John our geeky, Cassanova dude and you can almost see the light bulb go off in his head. He’s figured out the crocodile portion of the clue. He knows they live under mangrove trees. That’s enough because he comes up with the treasure. The red team looks on in disgust.

They open the treasure to find gold coins, crabs and a key. John goes on to explain how he single-handedly won this challenge for his team. He believes himself to be surrounded by idiots or something to that effect. So it goes the black crew celebrates, the red team pouts and for some reason in the middle of it all, Louis feels a need to fire a gun. :? I’m not sure if it’s to let production know or he’s just crazy.

The pirates return to the ship and the losers head below. The winners are on the deck where the host greets them. They open the treasure and then we get another diary session from John telling us how he’s conquered the two challenges in this game which is luck and finding the treasure. He doesn’t want to be Pirate Master, he wants it all! On the boat, the host explains how each piece is worth money. The larger coins are worth $500 (US), medium coins $100 (still US) and the baby coins are only worth $20 (you guessed it, U.S.). He then tells them to count it out. Ben tells us he doesn’t make more the $25,000 a year and he could use this as a cushion when he gets home. Fast forward (thanks editors) to the host asking how much money they have and Cheryl tells him $40,000 (yeah, that’s US). They show the money all laid out on the boat and it’s impressive.

He asks for the black crew to elect a captain. It takes a couple of seconds of feet shuffling and looking around (not to mention several shots to John with his chest puffed out) before somebody says JD and the rest of the crew jumped on board…except John of course. Cheryl tells us how Joe Don (JD) was the natural choice for Captain because he’s calm, very, bright and she could tell he had a game plan to be a leader. Host dude asks if it’s unanimous and John is shaking his head no as hands go up all around the deck. John tells us they are a bunch of lemmings. JD tells us that John is difficult and not a team player. Majority vote goes to JD regardless of how John may feel. Cameron tells them that according to the rules the captain gets half the treasure. JD is now $20,000 richer. A couple of shocked looks all around. John is still shaking his head no. Host tells him he can keep it, share it, bargain with it, whatever he wants. JD’s first order of business as captain is pick two officers. He chooses Cheryl and Ben and they get to share ½ of what is left which is $5,000 a piece and the remainder of the money is divided amongst the remaining crew members leaving them with $2000 a piece. Now Cameron tells John, Louis, Alexis, and two others I can’t remember to take your $2000 and get downstairs they’ve been demoted.

There are no more teams. There is a captain and his two officers and the rest are deck hands. As soon as she hits the final step below deck, Alexis blurts out how $20,000 goes to JD for being captain. She informs us in a video diary how “Grizzly Adams from Alaska with no running water just received $20,000.) We all worked together and she didn’t like the way it played out.

John sits down and announces how he won the whole thing for his crew. Alexis needing more camera time has no problem standing up to John.
Up above the captain and his officers get their new uniforms. Cameron also gives them keys to the captain’s quarters. He tells JD that it’s his ship. JD and the officers go down below and JD turns into a complete ass on the way. He tells them how things are gonna change a whole lot…a whole lot.

Jay is this season’s Captain Obvious. He tells us how JD erred on the side of arrogance when he first came downstairs and how it turned the rest of them off. I didn’t really notice because the captain’s hat was a huge turn on for me and JD in it made it that much sweeter.

JD heads into the captain’s quarters with Ben and Cheryl and it’s nicer than the rest of the living quarters. Somebody asks if they can come in and he says “not yet”. The rest of the crew hears it and is upset. Louie announces that he’ll last two days as captain with that attitude. Louie tells us that JD became a different person when he put on his captain’s hat.

JD loved the new position and he loves the company he is in with Ben and Cheryl. So they all sit down for a pow-wow about how his ship is going to be run. He tells them he was in the military for two years and they need some sort of order on the ship.

Up above the officers addresses the crew. Tells them that there will be consequences for anybody who is not pulling their weight. This enrages Louie and he marks JD. The next morning Louis is on deck spouting off at the mouth to anybody who would listen and doesn’t seem to care that the Captain’s henchmen are listening.

Cameron comes in and tells JD about pirates court and the officers they need to select three people to mark with a black spot. They will go before the jury, plead their case and one of them will be set adrift. However, if the fellow pirates rise up as one and mutiny against you and if your officers agree you will be set adrift. He hands over the summons and JD tells his officer that they need to achieve a goal. There is one individual he wants off the ship and that’s John. Louie is the second choice because of his talk of mutiny. They figure if they put him on the target list it will prevent the mutiny because people with a black mark don’t get a vote. We see Louie on deck getting his hair braided by the girls. They decide they need one other person that won’t be voted off. They choose Joy because she’s well-liked.
JD reminds us that even the sheep can be eaten.

The hand out the summons on deck. Jay feels the need to explain to us what we’ve heard about how the pirate’s court will go. Ben tells us in video diary how mutiny is always going to be a possibility because of all the strong personalities. As they are panning through the players listening intently to the officers talk about how court will go, I notice for the first time how many of the contestants (boys and girls) are wearing eyeliner!

They all open their summons at the same time and we get to see the reaction of all the players who got the black spot. Louie reads it out loud and shows us what it looks like. He knew it was coming because he and the captain don’t get along. However, he knows it’s wise not to tick off the captain anymore.

Joy, on the other hand, is having a meltdown. Ironically, she’s telling us how she wants to go out with her head up high and shoulders back, but she’s crying while she’s telling us this. :no

John has a plan. He feels that if he takes both the compasses he can use them as a bargaining chip at trial. He tells us how they are essential to the expedition. We see him telling Joy that he knows a way to keep them both safe. She’s basically pushing him away by telling him that he must do what he must do for himself.
John feels good about having kidnapped the compasses. :laugh That night at pirate’s court, they have the obligatory rain, but oddly it’s not hitting any of the pirates.

Louie is up first: He does a little rhyme about missing them and them missing him, etc. He’s rather charming and the crew seems to think so too.

Joy: She’s more direct and tells them how she fought 110%. She’s not ready to go and she doesn’t think they want her to go.

John: He knows why his butt is on the line. It’s because he didn’t vote for JD when the rest of his crew did. It makes him dangerous and JD has been defensive because of this the whole time. He then tells them the captain should go and the compasses are the reason why. If John goes, the compasses go with him.

Nobody looks convinced. He tries to drag Joy and Louie into his argument. He then accuses JD of taking $20,000 and gave everybody else additional duty and nothing for doing it.

Host asks JD how he feels about John calling for a mutiny.

John: At night, the big dipper points to the north star. You know where north is, you know where south is. In the day, put a stick in the mud and mark the end of a shadow. Wait 30 minutes and mark the shadow again. Draw a line between the two and you have east and west. I don’t need your compasses and I don’t need you.

John looks scared, but asks where north is. The night is cloudy and he can’t see any stars. JD explains they might be further south than they can see at this time, but in the daytime, it’s simple.

The crew has 4 cards in their wallets, one for each pirate and a mutiny card. They have to place their card on a dagger. It’s kind of cool.

Cameron: “10 pirates, 10 ballots, let’s see what you’ve done.” Looks at the ballots and announces it’s crystal clear. He first tells Joy she’s safe. He then gives Louie the okay. Leaving it between John and JD. I paused it on JD’s intense face for about 15 minutes while I painted my toenails. Then I found out that John was unanimously cut adrift.

The captain gets to cut the crew member adrift. There had to be some heavy duty satisfaction on JDs behalf to do this. John finally realizes that the compass kidnapping was probably not the best plan, but it was the best he had. He can’t be bitter, he likes to play big and hard and to go for it all. That he did…that he did.

Next week, JD gets cocky as captain. He bribes Jay to be his inside man. An injury jeopardizes everything.

:lol:
Wonderful recap fg... it fills in all the gaps for me... Thanks!

Guess we did watch the same show Funnygirl. Great job. At least you admitted the handsome JD did turn into a ..... something when he became captain, and I agree he did look good in the hat.