It’s time for yet another episode of Treasure Hunters. Yes, I know what you’re thinking – what is this guy doing here? Alas, the wonderful Lpatrick is off this week, so I’m taking over recapping duties for you. Anyways, let’s get started, shall we?
Last week – The Air Force got lost, the Fogals got Fogal’d and the Hanlons’ got karma’d. We know this because of the insanely long voice over segment in the very beginning. Get on with the show already! Finally, we get back to our contestants who “must find the key”, according to voice over man. As the teams awake, they find a newspaper which features Walt Whitman’s writing about the Atlantic Avenue Tunnel on Court Street. All of the teams jet off to the location. Miss USA automatically contacts Ex-CIA, telling them where to go, and one of the USAers says that they’re pulling their weights. Meanwhile, on the Genius team, Sam is upset because his teammates are picking on him because he’s slow. He goes on to mention that, if he has an asthma attack, his team is out of the competition. Hmmm, perhaps some foreshadowing?
In the Southie’s truck, driving Southie gets upset with the other two Southie boys for saying that they think he should be following everyone else. But, later, they say that it’s OK because they’ve just been cooped up in a car for so long. Meanwhile, team Air Force gets a call from the Fogals saying that they ran into some detours and they’re running behind. Yes, it appears that even the city of New York is Fogaling the Fogals. Thankfully.
Miss USA is the first team to get to the Atlantic Avenue Tunnel, and once they arrive there they discover that they have to go down a manhole. They waste no time hurrying down the hole and discover a tunnel that they quickly run through, looking for a clue. Of course, they somehow manage to completely not see the song written on the wall: Follow the Drinking Gourd, the song that was being sung by a man outside of the manhole. A poorly placed clue? Probably so.
Meanwhile, it looks as though the Brown family, our usual last place team, is... lost. Yet again. These guys just don’t get a break. Back in the tunnel, team Miss USA begins to look through the stuff and one team member actually picks up a clue – however, they decide to leave it behind and instead interpret the words written on the walls – which are also the lyrics to the same song that we’re going to hear about twenty more times this episode – to be the clue, and decide to memorize them instead. Haven’t they figured that once you get a clue right, Host Man automatically calls you? Silly contestants.
The next groups to get to the manhole are the Air Force, the Geniuses, and the Southie Boys. Everyone quickly jumps into the manhole – well, everyone except for Sam, who doesn’t go because, like his teammates said earlier, he’s slow. More foreshadowing? Impossible! All of the teams find the clues pretty quickly, and unwrap them to find books. Inside the books are glasses and a “Don’t Tread on Me” map. Once the glasses are worn, the map is revealed to say “Georgetown, South Carolina”. Fancy fancy. To make things even sweeter, the first team to get complete the next leg of the race gets 30,000 dollars. Of course, all of the teams freak out, and each one talks about how the game is now every team for themselves. Once the teams get out of the tunnel, Miss USA sees them and notices that they each have a book – the clue that they had grabbed but didn’t use. They proceed to gape in disbelief (something that these teams have gotten good at) and run off to get the clue. Following them are the EX-Cia, then the Fogals and finally the Browns. The teams find out that their next location is the Benevetum Plantation in Georgetown, South Carolina, and the teams hurry off... on the 708 mile car journey. Yikes.
After some very boring scenes during the 14 hour car ride, including the classic “photoshop your own statement onto an existing billboard” trick (we’re onto you, Genworth Financial), we finally get to the plantation. The Southies are the first there, where they find yet another crappy photoshopped sign for Genworth Financial and the same song playing. AGAIN. Once there, announcer man tells them that they must follow a trail and unlock the boxes along the way to get to the booty, and they get a map to help them along with the lyrics to the song. Maybe the two are connected? Of course not, the Southies decide, and they begin to wander through the swamps. They’re followed by Ex-CIA and the Fogals (who were second to last just a minute ago: apparently Papa Fogal is a speedy driver), then Miss USA, the Geniuses, and Air Force. None of the teams appear to figure out what’s going on, as they also decide to run through the swamp, getting stuck in the mud as often as possible. The Browns arrive last, and they seem to be the most clueless, taking hints from the dearly departed Hanlons and looking for clues that aren’t actually there. Or rather, boxes that aren’t there. Poor guys.
The Ex-CIA members are the first team to find the first box, and are also the first to realize what was going on. It turns out that symbols on the map relate to parts of the song, and if you follow them in order you’ll figure out what order to go to the boxes to. Congrats on being the least idiotic, Ex-CIA. Over at team Fogal, it looks like they’ve finally found an ally – the Southie boys. Well, at least the Southie boys team up with them because they’re just as clueless. Why, Southies? Whhyyy? Stop making me scream like Nancy Kerrigan. However, the pairing works, as the two teams are the second group to make it to the first box. Air Force and USA are next to get to it. Geniuses finally get to the box, but realize that they’re second to last, making them worry about how far the Browns are behind them. The Browns, however, are completely lost, and have no clue what’s going on.
Meanwhile, for our favorite two teams, The Southies and the Fogals, it’s getting hard to get through the swamp. As Matthew (see, I know some names!) says, “it must have been hard for slaves trying to escape”. Thank you for that insight, Matthew. I never would have guessed. Kayte, however, takes it the hardest. As we all know, Kayte is prone to whining. She doesn’t like carrying a boat? She starts to cry. She doesn’t like getting being teamed up against? She starts to freak out. But when she doesn’t like to carry a pack through the swamps and get stuck in mud – well, she starts to freak out. I think I’ve heard two year olds scream less than she has. However, her parents are pretty convinced that she’ll make it through, so she keeps on moving – and screaming. My ears.
Back to the Browns and the Geniuses. Over on the Geniuses, Charles (another name!) is telling us how Sam isn’t used to the physical stress. FORESHADOWING. Come on, it’s got to be. Meanwhile, the Browns decide to split up. Stuuupid. Ex-CIA is the first team at the third box, and there they discovera twist – they can DROP A MEMBER. Actually, all the teams can now. I think we’ve discovered what the foreshadowing’s about. Two of the ex-CIA members leave on a boat, where they decide to return for the third member. In the meanwhile, the Southies and the Fogals reach the third box and are faced with the same decision. The southies decide quickly to keep the members, but the Fogals aren’t so lucky. Instead, Kayte decides to break down and start crying and saying that she needs to leave, which makes Mama Fogal start to cry and then everyone’s crying and I want to barf. Can’t they all three of them just leave?
Back in the hunt for last place, the Browns still haven’t found the first box. However, trouble strikes before they can get too much further – one Brown gets stuck in the mud. And he tore a muscle! These guys can’t catch a break, can they? Back at the old man box, both the Air Force and the Miss USA teams must leave behind a member... maybe for good. Oh no! In the meanwhile, the rest of the teams begin to return for members. Todd is retrieved for the ex-CIA, and the Southie Boys return for their member. Meanwhile, Kayte is bawling her eyes out. And just when you think we’ll be saying goodbye to her... the Fogals came BACK for her! What? Why? Whyyyyy? Stop it with these Nancy Kerrigan moments, please. Miss USA and the Air Force also return for their members.
The EX-CIA members are the first at the mainland to continue the race, followed closely by the Southie boys. Both begin to run for the treasure, go for the gold, blah blah blah blah blah. The only thing that’s important is that the ex-CIA members get it and get a clue to go to the American Flag. Aww, poor Southies. I guess that’s what happens when you strike a deal with the
devil Fogals.
Meanwhile, at camp Brown, Big Brown is loaded into an ambulance and the other two Browns are left staring at an ambulance. The remaining Browns are determined to make sure that his memory isn’t in vain. Aww, how sentimental. Meanwhile, the Geniuses have a decision to make: they’ve reached the third box, and they have to decide if they want to dump their teammate. I think we’ve reached up to the moment that the entire episode’s been building up to, kids. Sam is left behind, and the two teammates are deciding whether to dump Sam or not dump him. They discuss it, and when the time comes they decide... TO BE CONTINUED. Yes, as soon as they have to decide they stuck a TO BE CONTINUED on us. I hate you, NBC. I HATE you.
Next week: This recap will be continued, by the wonderful Lpatrick, who is far better at writing about this show than I am. Far, far better. Enjoy.
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